


There’s no Remedy for Love...

by Calzonafan2014



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, F/F, Infidelity, Love, Marriage, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:42:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26202865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Calzonafan2014/pseuds/Calzonafan2014
Summary: Charity and Vanessa have been happily married for several years when Charity’s attempt to save Debbie results in her making the biggest mistake of her life. Is this fixable? Well, as Thoreau once wrote, “There is no remedy for love...except to love more.”
Relationships: Charity Dingle/Vanessa Woodfield
Comments: 17
Kudos: 50





	There’s no Remedy for Love...

“There are a hundred paths through the world that are easier than loving. But who wants easier?” Mary Oliver

**The Night After the Day Before**

Charity pounded on her front door, begging her wife to let her just explain. Vanessa ignored her, but Charity didn’t let up. Tracy shouted through the door for her to go away already to no effect.

Vanessa finally had enough. She got up from the couch and threw open the door, firmly blocking Charity from entering, and glared up at her wife.

Charity stood there, mascara streaked face, coatless and shivering, a complete wreck, “I’m sorry. Ness, I’m so sorry. But I swear Babe, there was no other choice. It was to protect Debbie, that’s all it was. It made me literally sick after.”

“Funny that,” Vanessa replied sarcastically, “because you’re the one making me sick right now. Go away.” Vanessa shut the door firmly and Charity broke down, sobbing in front of her own door.

**———————**

A week later Debbie swung by Jacob’s Fold after the worst fight she’d ever had with her mum. In all of their years, through everything they’d been through, she’d never once truly imagined her mum giving up on her. But now she was scared.

Vanessa opened the door and let her in, but her eyes were shuttered and Debbie felt the chill.

“Mum loves you,” Debbie finally blurted, seeing as Vanessa had no intention of speaking or easing the tension. “I know what she did was messed up, but it was my fault,” she admitted.

Debbie waited for Vanessa to jump in and let her off the hook, but Vanessa was quiet, and Debbie’s fear amped up another notch, “It’s been a week. You’ve gotta at least talk to her,” she begged.

“Do I?” Vanessa asked with a raised brow. 

“I don’t think she’s ever going to forgive me if you don’t forgive her,” Debbie confessed.

Vanessa set her jaw. “Maybe you should have thought of that before you guilted her into helping you.”

Debbie shrugged helplessly, “Yeah, well, I’m her daughter okay. Hers and Cain’s. And there’s never been a Vanessa in my life. What’d you expect?”

“You’re 35. Maybe it’s past time you stopped running to mummy and daddy to clean up your messes.”

Debbie stiffened. She’d experienced Vanessa’s temper a few times, but never truly directed at her. She realized there was nothing she could do here, not for now at least, nodded and let herself out.

**———————**

“I want to go see Mum C,” Johnny demanded after another week had gone by without any change.

Vanessa’s heart cracked a tiny bit, but she nodded. “Course you do. And I’ll see to it, okay?”

“When?” Johnny asked, impatient.

“Soon.” Vanessa said.

“Promise?” 

“Promise. She’s your Mum. She’ll want to see you too.”

**———————**

Vanessa recruited Sarah as her go-between with Johnny and Charity. She wasn’t ready to talk to her wife just yet. She hated dragging Sarah into it, but she refused to speak further to Debbie, and Tracy wasn’t talking to Charity at all as far as she knew. She was full-on Team Vanessa. Anyway, Sarah wasn’t a child. She was nineteen now and wise beyond her years.

As expected, Sarah came through, arranging things with her Granny and swinging by Jacob’s Fold to pick up Johnny.

“Hey, you ready to go see Mum?” Vanessa asked her son, and Johnny nodded.

“Well good. Run upstairs and grab the bag I packed for you okay?”

Johnny eagerly did, leaving Sarah and Vanessa alone for a bit.

“I love you,” Sarah tossed out, “You’re my Granny now, whether you wanna be or not.”

Vanessa smiled, “I would hope so. Least I get for taking on that title way too young is keeping you forever.”

Vanessa caught the flash of darkness that skittered behind Sarah’s eyes at the mention of forever, but resolutely ignored it for both their sakes.

Johnny ran downstairs carrying a giant bag.

“I thought I’d packed the smaller one?”

“It didn’t fit my game system. And Mum isn’t great with the laundry.”

Laundry. Clearly Johnny was planning to stay with Charity for longer than a couple of days. But Vanessa just sucked it up. He loved both his Mums. She knew that. It’s what she had wanted for him after all.

“Right then, go put it into Sarah’s car why don’t you.” Johnny nodded and lugged his bag outside, while Sarah stopped in the doorway.

“Do you still love her?” Sarah asked, terrified of the answer.

“I’ll never stop,” Vanessa replied firmly.

Sarah sighed, relieved, but still sad. “It’s hard, seeing you two apart and all. I get it. It’s just. If you two can’t figure it out where’s the hope for the rest of us?”

“You’re still young. And you are going to find someone spectacular someday. And then you can be the example for the rest of us.”

Sarah met Vanessa’s eyes, “You and Granny have always been my example.”

Vanessa felt that one long after Sarah had gone.

**———————**

It was going on five, and Charity stood outside the vets, waiting impatiently for her wife to leave for the day. It had been 37 days since Charity had blown up her entire life. She’d given Vanessa time. Much more than she’d wanted to. If it’d been up to her she’d have camped outside their home until Vanessa let her in or she froze. But Rhona of all people had been the one to talk her out of it.

She recalled the conversation perfectly, sat at the kitchen table in the back of the pub, Chas nodding along.

“You’ll drive her further away if you do that,” Rhona had argued. “She’ll think it’s all about you, and that you don’t care about her feelings.”

Charity had fought back, “The point is to show her how much I do care!”

“You’ll best do that by respecting her wishes.”

So Charity had. For weeks and weeks. But enough was enough. She’d given her time, but they were a family. They needed to talk at the least.

She knew better though than to go round their house with Johnny and Moses both desperate to have them back together. So this was what it had come to. A stakeout outside her wife’s work. 

The second she saw her wife her heart skipped, and her name froze on her lips. She quickly cleared her throat.

“Ness.”

Vanessa froze. Her own heart feeling squeezed in a vise. She hadn’t heard Charity’s voice in weeks. Avoided her voicemails, never went round the pub.

Charity approached cautiously, arms spread wide, “Ness please. Talk to me. Just for a bit.”

Vanessa refused to look at her, and the approaching darkness made it easier, “What’s there to say?”

“I love you.”

Vanessa stood rooted, still not daring to look at her wife, “I know you do,” She replied evenly.

Charity stepped closer, directly in front of Vanessa now, forcing her to look at her despite her best intentions.

“I should have found another way, I know that. You’re the most important thing in the world to me. Us, what we have. It’s everything. I didn’t mean for it...”

“What did you think would happen?!”

“I thought I could control him better. I didn’t plan...”

“Why didn’t you come to me?! Ask me for help?! We could have...”

“Debbie was desperate, Babe. I’ve seen her in some bad spots over the years, but not like this.I didn’t have time to think.”

“You had time to call Cain,” Vanessa said bitterly, but Charity didn’t understand.

“Because he’s her Dad. And he knows how to deal with men with guns!”

“And using you as the distraction was his brilliant solution!” Vanessa shouted back.

Charity shrugged, “It’s what I’m best at.”

Vanessa shook her head even as her heart broke further. God damn, she hated everyone right now, but Cain and Debbie were tops of her list. No matter where they ended up, Vanessa loved her wife. Deeply and irrevocably. And she despised how her family never seemed to see how much more she was and always had been. 

In spite of herself Vanessa stepped closer and reached up to wipe away the tears that had slid down Charity’s cheeks. For once her wife held perfectly still, no attempt to take advantage of the moment, eyes wide and vulnerable, leaving it to Vanessa to choose where this suddenly charged closeness led.

Vanessa closed the distance, kissing her wife softly at first, and then deeper for a hot second before she pulled away just as Charity tried to tug her closer. Charity let go and Vanessa stumbled back.

“You’re so much more, Charity. I just wish you could really believe that.”

**———————**

The next day Vanessa found herself at her sister’s drinking a brew. She had come over expecting Trace to pour a bit of cold water on her for even considering what she was considering. But even Tracy had softened.

“Vee, what do you want?” Tracy asked.

“A time machine.” Vanessa replied sadly.

“So say we all. But without that?”

“How can I ever trust her?” Vanessa demanded.

“Vee, you know I’m on your side in this. Whatever you want to do I will back you up?”

“Even if...”

Vanessa knew what she wanted. It was what she had always wanted after just one night spent locked in a cellar with the most frustrating, infuriating, incredible woman on the planet over seven years ago.

“Something breaks in ya,” Tracy shared, “when you do that kind of work. And to survive, you disassociate a bit. It isn’t the same. It has nothing at all to do with what you do by choice. For fun.”

“This was by choice,” Vanessa stated firmly.

“Because she didn’t see any other way!” Tracy replied.

“There’s always another way, Tracy!”

Tracy sighed. She loved her sister dearly. But sometimes there was little reasoning with her.It was strange, she’d never have expected it, but over the years, Charity had become one of her best friends. And it was hard for her not to sympathize just a bit.

Of course she’d lit into her over all of this. Vanessa was her sister. And Vanessa had come to her door crying her eyes out. But it was hard to keep kicking a person when they were so clearly kicking themselves much harder. So yeah, maybe she had talked to Charity a bit. Encouraged her to give Vanessa some time to burn through the first wave of anger. But now?

“When you had cancer, I was scared for her. I didn’t think she could survive without ya. And I know that that isn’t fair. But Vee, she loves you so much. You’re her entire life.”

“And she was mine. But she made this decision. She knew what she was doing. She knew what she was risking. And she did it anyway.”

“To protect Debbie,” Tracy argued, “She didn’t do it for a lark. It wasn’t some money making quick scheme. She was trying to save Debbie from some really bad people. You know her Vee. Better than anyone. You know her heart. It’s okay to forgive her. She isn’t…”  
  
“Our father?” Vanessa asked softly. Because it was hard not to go there. Not to wonder where the line was between forgiving someone and being a doormat.

“I love you, Ness, you’re my big sis. But I love Charity too, now. And I would kill to have someone love me the way she loves you. And you her.”

Vanessa nodded even as she crumpled, “I do. But I can’t stop seeing it. In my head. It hurts. It hurts so much,” Vanessa cried and Tracy gathered her up in her arms.

“Oh, hey, I’ve got you, i’m always going to be on your side, okay? If you want me to keep hating her, I can do that.”

Vanessa shook her head into Tracy’s shoulder. “I’m glad she has you. Better than that family of hers,” she added bitterly.

**———————**

Not exactly getting what she expected from her sister Vanessa texted Rhona and begged her to go out to Hotten with her for a drink. She needed to get away. To think some more. And Rhona was her best hope of some rationality.

Later that afternoon, she was sat at a pub in Hotten nursing her second beer when Rhona finally arrived, grabbing her own drink before joining Vanessa at the table.

“Ness, I don’t think I’m the best person on this,” Rhona confessed.

“Rhona, you’re my best mate. You’ve known me longer than anyone. You’re supposed to tell me how stupid I’m being for even considering this. Talk me out of it, please,” Vanessa begged.

“Why would I do that?”

“Because she cheated on me!”

“And Paddy had a full blown affair. He fell in love with someone else. And in the end, I regretted not giving him another chance. Marriage is hard sometimes. But you both love each other to bits.”

“But I would be an idiot for trusting her again!”

“Is that what this is about then, your pride?”

“Of course it’s not.”Vanessa mumbled.

Rhona just looked at her.

“My mum forgave my dad. Over and over. I think he’s the only person she ever really loved. I don’t want to be like that, I won’t be.”

Rhona nodded, “Have you thought about talking to someone?”

“Isn’t that what we’re doing?”

“I mean a professional. A counselor. You know I had to when I was recovering from my addiction. It helped to have someone who didn’t know me or anyone else to talk to.”

Vanessa wrinkled her nose at the very idea.

“Just think about it. Because you’re clearly miserable right now. And so is Charity. Seems quite dumb to stay apart to prove some point that won’t really matter to anyone but you in the long run. Maybe it could help.”

**———————**

Vanessa put it off. She really didn’t want to talk to a Counselor. It was so not her thing. Save the deep and meaningfuls for other people. She was more than happy to keep hers locked up nice and tight.She let another week slip by still avoiding Charity, when she got a call from the school that Johnny and Moses had been in a fight.

She raced over, caught the boys sitting on a bench together outside of the open door to the Head Teacher’s office, where Charity was already sat across.

“What happened?” Vanessa demanded stepping inside the office and closing the door. “Who were Johnny and Moses fighting?”

Charity glanced up, eyes shining a bit, “Each other.”

Vanessa felt all the air sucked out of her and sank into her own chair.

“Johnny is both of yours, right?” The Head Teacher asked.

Vanessa nodded, “Yes, Charity adopted him near four years ago.”

“And Moses?”

Vanessa looked at Charity in confusion, before answering, “He has a dad, Ross, who he sees regularly.”

“But you’ve been his step-parent for...”

“Full time since he was three. I love him just as much as Johnny. But..”

“Johnny told him you aren’t his real mum, not like I am for him.” Charity shared. “Moses hit him.”

“So he should have!” Vanessa defended, stunned that Johnny would even think to say such a thing. Moses had stayed with her a few nights since they’d been separated, but he already shuffled between Charity and Ross, so she hadn’t pushed for more. Clearly that had been a mistake.

Vanessa turned to the Head Teacher, “I am so sorry this happened at the school. But clearly you can see that this is a family matter.”

The Head Teacher nodded, “Family stresses impact kids in all sorts of ways. Maybe you want to see about getting them some help?”

“We’ll talk to them,” Vanessa said firmly. “It won’t happen again.”

Vanessa exited the office and Charity followed, always a bit impressed by the way her wife handled people like the Head Teacher, who scared the hell out of her if she were being honest.

Vanessa ordered the boys to follow and both did quietly, heads down without any argument, a feat Charity rarely experienced on her own. As scary as most people tended to find her, her children always seemed the exception. 

Once outside, Vanessa ignored their cars and headed down the street for the cafe and theoutdoor chairs that offered a bit more privacy. She suggested that Charity head in for some coffees for them and sodas for the boys and Charity readily agreed.

Standing in line, Charity flashed back to that long ago day when the couch had been soaked through and she’d asked Vanessa if she could stay forever. Because they just worked. Even now, more at odds than they’d ever been, that still felt the case. Closing her eyes, Charity took a deep breath, ordered their drinks and prayed to the god who had never been there much before to give her this one thing. It’s all she truly needed. Just her wife.

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn’t planning to share this. I hate infidelity, and yet, I know that soaps thrive on the plot device. This all began with me imagining a future worse case, and how it might work without actually destroying Vanity as the best couple in the village. Thank you for reading. Would love to hear any thoughts. You can even yell at me for writing it in the first place!


End file.
